Safety... feeling "safe" - what does that mean really?

i am strugglnig with this with T. It's like "trust" - I had no idea what trust even meant. It took me well over a year to figure out that it means i can't make him the bad guy. When we talk about something and the thought/feeling pops into my head that says "T wants to just get rid of me," i need to trust him... meaning i need to remind myself, i need to give him credit, i need to *know* that he would never think or do such a thing. Trust means relying on what i know about him and "us." It took me forever to grasp that trust in him was about not trusting my gut reaction sometimes. Icky...

Now i am really trying to understand what being "safe" means.... what does it mean to you? i mean, really. We all know it means not being eaten by a shark or something..

but what does it mean internally? What does it mean beyond knowing your T isn't going to just laugh at you or physically harm you? Does it mean something more? Is there an angle i am missing here?

i know he won't laugh
i know he won't hurt me intentionally
i know he won't tell me it's stupid

but something stops me from being able to physically *say* what happened to me in the incident we are dealing with... i wrote it down for him and his response was that it made him feel physically/emotionally sick inside. So he knows what the incident is.. but still, nothing comes out of my face. i cannot say the word, name the one feeling i understand in what happened. i want to.. i try.. i cant seem to.

he says that safe is what i feel it to be... but i think i am just not grasping the base concept... like how i missed the trust idea.

little help?