Eureka!!! I've got it!!!

Thanks for sticking with me, Gary. Your explanation gave me just the handle I've been looking for. Now, I hope you can stick with me a little bit longer, because I'm going to go a couple of different directions at once. I'll try to keep it coherent as possible.

You're right...physical attraction is a crucial part of attraction. You're not going to want to kiss, touch, hold, etc. someone that you feel no physical attraction to. But again, physical attraction is a complex phenomenon. It involves more than just visual cues, even, but to keep things simple, I will stick with the visual. There is a certain amount of physical appearance that is fixed...the color, shape and positioning of the eyes, the shape of the face, the balance of features top to bottom and left to right. Short of plastic surgery, there's little that can be done about that. However, there is another factor in physical appearance known as affect...how animated and expressive the face is. Your description of your face as having a "dull" look really turned this light on for me. That word conveys things to me like no sparkle in the eyes, not much change in expression, suttf like that. And the big thing is, affect *can* change.

A lot of people here have tried to explain this rather nebulous phenomenon of being more attractive when someone has more self-confidence, or is simply happier. Well, the key is, mood alters affect. Speaking for myself, when I am feeling good, I have what is probably an overabundance of affect. And even though I'm not a classic physical beauty at all, people are attracted to me. However, when I'm depressed, I have what is known as "flat affect"...very little change in expression, dull eyes, no voice modulation. And in that state, I couldn't attract a dog with a fresh meat necklace.

I know I'm asking you to make a bit of a logical leap from the arguments you have built up in your mind, but the truth is, you have some control over that aspect of your physical appearance, and working on the depression will result in changes to that physical attractiveness factor.

I'm going to shift gears a little here, because something else came to my mind when reading your post. I read a statistic awhile back that the divorce rate among people who meet and fall in love online is much lower than in the general population. The speculation is that by not having that upfront filter of purely physical appearance, people are more likely to find someone they are compatible with on a deeper level. So, while it may take more effort for you to meet someone than it would take one of those handsome jerks you observe, you may find that in the end, you will find someone you are happier with.

*hugs*
Jo