I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through such pain, sometimes things just seem to be too much and you can't find the way out. You're in the middle of a greiving process so I wouldn't be surprised if you think that the world is so much to take and that you're not enjoying being alive at the moment as everything seems so dark.
When a door is closed, an other opens. Give yourself the time to be angry and sad, take your time to accept the facts that you can not change. Soon, you will see the open door, the light that will guide you to a better life and a happier one.
I believe that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Believing this might help you overcome your misery and look forward to what comes next.
Good luck.