first off sorry I don't reply much..I just have trouble finding the right thing to say...I do read all the posts though..
2nd since I don't have an individual therapist..I go to a group. it's trauma focused so it doesn't really help w/ some stuff. The group leader is very brash and brings up personal calls from my soc. worker in tgroup.

Anyway this time I tried to verbalize my feelings. Her response: "You can't be depressed for no reason what happened?" and I told her that's problem nothing's going on. Then everyone in the group said I hated them because i didn't want to say what was wrong(which was nothing)
I mentioned nothing feels fun or exciting anymore,I had no energy to do stuff etc Their response:"You don't do much anyway so what's the difference."

I still could bring myself to talk about the suicidal thoughts,crying everyday,derealization,SH..etc etc. I don't want to risk disappointing ppl and going to the hospital for the millionth time to get belittled by everyone there. I've pretty much givin up on ppl in RL understanding. It's like noone sees anything is wrong until i attempt something..and even then I'm either stupid,a disgrace,weak or whatever else. Idk i just feel so hurt right now