Hi Internettie (love the name by the way)

For some crying is no big deal, but for those of us who are child abuse victims, it can be so hard. I know for me I would be punished more if I cried even during abuse.

With my first T of 2.5 years, I didn't cry at all, I would get teary eyes, but he would use distraction to make me laugh instead, even when we talked about my child abuse.. Even though I was relieved not to cry because I really didn't want to, I never thought it was okay to do since even my T would seem uncomfortable with it. The only time I cried with him was the session where I fired him because he yelled at me and I freaked out and it made me cry.(long story there)

But with my new T that I have had for a year now, I cried in the first session. He was so warm, so genuine, I felt safe with him, and now even though I don't like to cry, it happens about every other session it seems. It actually feels good to cry now, it is part of letting go of the past, letting that poison seep out of me.
Learning to trust is also a big thing, take your time and know this, the T will eventually disappoint you because they are human too, it hurts, but when you learn it wasn't on purpose, it will allow you to grow and be more acceptable in your life. Because even we will let people down, heck you can even let yourself down. It happens, but I understand not wanting to trust, I was like that for a long time, but even with my first T, I learned that trusting was so important.
My current T let me down for the first time in almost a year, he forgot something important I told him a long time ago. I was hurt I admit, I am how can he forgot? But luckily I had enough trust build up with him I knew he didn't mean to forgot, he just did because he is human. I think allowing him to be human with faults, is helping me accept my faults too.
It sounds like you may be new to therapy, if you are welcome to the ride of your life, there is nothing else like it!