I take mirtazapine at night, I think that is supposed to help stabilize, they put me right out usually, I do not have a clue what is going on most of the time after I do fall asleep. Though when I run out, I am back to the same schedule of waking up after 2 hours of falling asleep. They started me on something recently to help my panic attacks. I can't remember what they are called but they are like volumn(sp) can't spell it sorry, but think you get what I am trying to spell. When I take one of those I am not worth anything for at least 6 hours or more. The doc wanted me to take them every day, but with an 18 year old in the house yet that would steal me blind if I was out like that all day, would not work.

I was working at home for the last couple of years, and I was not using the typical chair and desk setup, because of my back. I had found a deal on a chair, that had full body massage and heat. Made my monitor swing able and keyboard. The chair cost me a pretty penny, around 2,000, but it was well worth the cost. At any rate, towards the end it started to hurt my back, and I needed to sit in something else for a while. So I changed chairs and desk for maybe a month.

It was then my wife left me , cause she said she could not take it any more, said I was worst then death to live with. And her son, my stepson, stayed with me. And he started to sit in my chair, which after a month he completely ruined it. The back is bent and can not be fixed.

So now i sit, get up do something , repeat .

As for my back it was a long process of screwing that up. But the final hammer was when I was running in the woods to get to my son, he had fallen or something and broke his collar bone. I jumped a fallen tree, and did not know there was a deep depression on the other side. When I hit I felt pain but didn't think to much of it. Just shoved it back and helped my son out of the woods to the now arriving medics. That night, I was laying on the couch in tears, my left hip and leg was hurting very badly. Which suprised me because I have a high threshold for pain. And I had lost 1/2 the feeling in my foot.

Went into the ER, they gave me pain meds, and then seen a back specialist the morning after. 2 Days later, I was in surgery. Said I had blown one of the disks just about the tail bone or something like that. Took 3 hours I guess, the doc told me that the x-ray did not show the other 3 globs that were there from previous times. He said he wondered how I was able to walk and or function with those cause they had been there for a few years. And I told him then, that I had a pretty high threshold for pain.

Any ways now, while I do not have the pain I had before, it is constant. and on a scale of 1 to 10 it's about 6 on a good day. Bare able as long as I am taking pain meds, and it is on both sides now. And I know I am slowly losing feeling below the belt. I can't most times feel my phone vibrate when a call comes in.

Any who, I was doing web design work. The company me and my business partner started was starting to take off, there was more business then I could handle on my own. I did the servers and the code and he created the graphics. But when the wife left and I took another major dive, he grabbed money out of the business account, said he was looking for another job, ect, ect.

Now when I try to work, on any project, it is like I am one of the keyboard ( like one key off of home row when typing), can't keep my thoughts focused on a project long enough. And while I was extremely picky on how things worked and looked before, I am far worse now. I suppose I am trying to control things to much, cause everything else is out of control. But I can't help being that way.

But I have been looking for something else to do from home, just haven;t found anything that hasn't turned out to be a ripe off of some sort.