Hello: I am new to Psych Central and seeking insight into a counselor's behavior. It was my 2nd session with her. In the first session, she had suggested I had Attention Deficit, co-existing with previously diagonosed depression (since childhood). I did some research and was enormously relieved to see my behavior described down to a T. Some puzzling things were now clear. I had high hopes when I met her for a 2nd session.
I have had successful long-term relationships with therapists. I have also, prior to this, had one short-lived bad one, when a psychiatrist misdiagnosed my condition and insisted I continue on medication that made me unable to function in daily life in many ways for months. I had told the new counselor about this in our first meeting. Her reaction was ambiguous to me -- I did not think she entirely believed my version of events. I brought this up at the 2nd session. She told me she had not thought that, which I accepted.
A few minutes later, she began to ask me to tell her the name of the person who had referred me to her. This was another client, with whom I had an extramarital affair (my first and only). While I had decided I would discuss the relationship, because it was important to me, I did not want to name him. I felt that this could violate confidentiality between him and the counselor. I thought it would be unfair to talk about someone else she might be counseling. I began to tell her that I had a relationship with him, and said he was not married but had been married before. She jumped in and gave me his name. I was floored. She said she had "intuition." I questioned why she felt she had to know his name. She kept saying withholding his name was standing in the way of her treating me. When I continued to press this question, she said I was "arguing and defending my position" as though this was a problem. She said her knowing what I had said about him did not affect the confidentiality of her relationship with him. I was extremely upset that she had engaged in a "guessing game" when I had told her I objected to telling her his name. She said that because I had "taken a chance" by telling her I was concerned about her reaction to me in my first section, that she had also "taken a chance."
I see a number of red flags here:
She named one of her clients to me without the client's permission.
She pressured me to reveal something painful and that I told her I did not want to talk about. She made a guess. She could have said "I cannot treat you under these circumstances. There may be a potential conflict. Whether you go forward is up to you."
She did not think I could have a valid point of view in opposition to her's -- she told me I was "arguing and defending my position."
When I retreated and appeased her, she was thrilled and complimented how "intelligent" I was.
In conclusion:
I'm sure this is not the counselor for me.
I am very upset that my friend's name was used when he had indicated to me he would be uncomfortable about it. Perhaps we both naive? This may hurt a friendly, caring relationship, which is very upsetting to me.
I would very much like to hear from anyone else on the confidentiality issue.
Did she violate my friend's confidentiality? It seems like an odd Catch-22 situation. I already knew his name so, from that point of view, confidentialty was not breached. But is there any context in which a therapist may confirm to another client the identity of another client?
I would like to hear from others about therapy in which they felt bullied and how it affected them. Did you feel it was a valid tactic? Did you feel it did you more good than harm?
For the sake of keeping this thread to its stated area of psychotherapy issues, please do not respond about A.D. unless you feel that this is necessary for understanding the immediate topics of confidentiality and feeling pressured. Thanks for listening.
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