Thanks for the reply and the link when you find it.

Since I am unable to work, I am currently only getting 401 a month from the state, which is extremely rough trying to keep the utilities on, not sure if I have mentioned before, but we have been with out gas for about 2 months now. And today when I went to leave for my appointment with my therapist, I noticed my speed-ometer is not working, so I don't have a clue there. I had to cancel my appointment. Thankfully she called me on the phone.

yeah I have to go through the V.A. for everything, meds, therapist, ect. Only way I can get help. I see one that prescribes the medications, and another that I talk to every week and yet another for my back. The pdoc that I see weekly had just changed not to long ago, the one before said bipolar, the one I see for the scripts says recurring major depression, high anxiety. Why I haven't been prescribed a stablizer I don't have a clue. The one I take for my anxiety attacks, I think is but it drags me down so far I find it literally hard to move and stay awake.

My old doc, the weekly one, would just sit there and put his head in his hands and shake it back and forth and look at me in an odd way. I could tell that I would tire him out as I talked, alot of times during the session, I would run the complete spectrum of things, and talking faster and faster as I went from subject to subject. I'd be exhausted as well to tell you the truth. The new doc, does not do that, but I can't talk to her like I did the other, and I realize I need to , but after years and years of dealing with this on my own, I have learned to watch what I say.

An example , I had mentioned I could see how people in my position and condition could get to the point of just going off and shooting who ever was in their sites at the time. Now while I realized I was trying to explain how I felt and what I was feeling, she took it as if I was going to do exactly that "so you want to kill people" she said in response. Then I lost my temper and told her not to put worlds or thoughts into my head.

I swear I can't win for losing, all my docs say I need to be on disability, social security docs say I need to be on disability, but I still fight to just get a hearing for disability, mean while everyone from the IRS on down is screaming at me for money, and and and and and... bah

any ways, I ranted and raved when I didn't intend to do so, sorry. But not going to erase it dang it all. I've got to allow it to escape some where, else I will end up either hurting myself or someone else I think.

Anyways, I'll see if I can remember the other meds they have me on after I lay down, I'm exhausted now.