i talked to my mother for the first time in 14 years last night. it went from being cordial to screaming in about 7 minutes. this was not the way i had envisioned, i dont know what is wrong with her. she won't let me talk, she cuts me off and starts screaming about things that happened so long ago. it is so hard to have a conversation with her. i started telling her about how i'm doing and she cuts me off and starts telling how she hates her family and why do i talk to them? well its kind of nice talking to people who listen, who dont interupt me constantly, let me express my feelings, say things that are uplifting, and ask me how my day is. why is that so hard for her to understand. it felt like being dropped into a world of total craziness, feeling like i cant breath and bringing so many bad memories back. i thought after 14 years maybe she would want to know how i am doing, talk and laugh a little. i am so confused, i dont know what is wrong with her, i wish she would go see a psychiatrist, she needs medication, its not normal to hate everyone and carry grudges for 20 and 30 years, or is it? she doesnt want me to talk to any of her family, thats one of the reasons why we quit talking in the first place. i wish she would find some peace, or some medication. i feel like i can't even think straight, she made me so upset.
then she was talking about something that my grandfather told me when i was 9 and he told me not to tell her, she takes everything so seriously. that was 30 years ago!! i can barely remember what happened yesterday, lol. god grant me, and my family, and my mother some peace, we sure need it. i wish she could let some of her hostility go, i dont know how to help her, i guess i cant.