He's getting married. He told me at the end of my session last night. It was already a hard session. I have been in a desperate cycle of both destructive behaviors and abandonment.

We were talking about how I'll never be with the love of my life. We met when we were 14 and even now at 38, its still there. But the door needs to close and I was having a hard time with this last night.

I go back and forth on how I feel about the whole thing. On one hand, I'm glad that he told me and I'm excited for him.

On the other hand, this feels like another loss how odd is that?

He's a real person like all of us and I am happy for him. Those other parts of me though creep in and the abandonment feelings come back stronger.

Anyway, I see him Monday and Wednesday and then I won't until Sept 8th... I'm dreading the break already and it isn't here yet.