I've so been there b4...I think many with addictive behaviors and disorders have been. Usually the ED is in full swing when I'm feeling the way you do right now, but nurturing the tendency to give into a feeling of purposelessness with regard to your ED is probably senseless and destructive as opposed to goal oriented and self-evolving...easier said than done, I know. For me, after about 30+ years of suffering with an ED and poor body image, being hospitalized on too many occasions to count and damaging my kidneys to the point of no return and shortening my lifespan by too many years, I've come to realize that sometimes all it takes is just ONE little thing to motivate you into getting through that devastating pull downward throughout each day and dealing with the saddness and strife that accompanies life in general. Something, anything that makes you smile, get chills, feel safe, warm, WORTHY... that will keep the numbing effect of the ED at bay so as not to mask our natural ability to tap into those healthy skills we have to cope. It's personal for everyone, but everyone has at least one thing. You just have to find yours, and as easy as it feels to numb with the ED instead of dealing, the easier and more comfortable it will be to tap into your own natural ability to calm yourself!