</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
earthmama said:


I sent T the most scathing, hateful, angry e-mail tonight.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

At my session today (well, yesterday, since I'm up in the middle of the night with insomnia!), I learned that my e-mail was neither scathing NOR hateful.

T and I spent the whole session talking about the e-mail, about my feelings about what had happened, etc. I have never been encouraged - well, never even been ALLOWED - in any of my relationships - to have feelings or to be angry. So, when I sent an e-mail to T telling him how I felt about what he had done, it felt SO over the top to me - like I was just out of control and unacceptable.

When T and I talked about it, it was clear to him that I was angry and hurt, but that was it. And he said the anger and hurt were appropriate. And he said he felt really bad about hurting me - especially the young part of me.

It was really eye-opening....I'm still trying to get my mind around it. I really don't get angry, and this is something T and I have talked a lot about. He has been trying to help me see that there is such a thing as "good anger" and "appropriate anger" - in my mind, anger is dangerous, anger hurts you, anger is scary - because that is my experience of other people being angry, especially in childhood. So....T hurt me, I told him I was angry, and...that's okay??

I guess it's another example of how we use the therapy relationship itself to learn and grow and heal. Too bad it's so darn gut-wrenching and painful sometimes!!