((((freewill)))) i am not did... but i am trying to understand... i can identify with most of what you wrote... i can so clearly see other peoples hope... and healing... but for me it seems something that i will never achieve... i especially identify regarding your adult son... how painful it must have been to have him say those things to you... last week in t i told my t that i didn't want to hope anymore... that everytime i do... the rug gets pulled out from under me and i can't get up anymore... that i didn't want to even pretend to be try... i am telling you this to let you know your not alone... and i care about you... you have helped lift me up more times then you know... please try and replace those false messages... i know they feel so real right now... but the truth is... the world needs you... i need you...lyn