I couldnt say the word Dad or Daddy once I found my father unless it was in writing. I so wanted to be able to say goodbye Daddy when he was dieing and passed away last month- but I dont know how to use certain words- they have no cognizant meaning . Because of brainwashing and having to erase my original identity from the time I was 5 years old -including having to learn through corporal punishment how to speak like I came from the north and lose my southern accent- I have great difficulty with words and meaning. My brothers name was changed and through physicasl torture I had to learn to call him something else. But they also gave people names to furniture so language lost meaning and became a burdon and ambiguous. Deprogramming is something that cant entirely work for me anymore because Im too old and my brain is no longer able to be rewired so I adapt by writing- like Ive done here. Thats why I was compelled to point out the black and white meaning in the thread by wantsto- even though it seemed irrelevent in the context to everyone I at least was proud of my observation.