your probably right sky. To admit that there is a "mental illness" to me feels like all the work I did to just live wasnt good enough. That I was damaged in ways that I cant simply think my way through. Its just not fair and it makes me mad. I am a thinker and I have the soul of a poet (not a depressing one just a dreamer who sees music and lyrics and love and comedy in things) and I have this hinderence that i have to learn to accept mental illness or not, its there and it causes great suffering. It also though has caused me to meet some people in my life i wouldnt not want to know so who knows.