I feel so lonely and non exsistant. I feel like a failure I feel like a horrible mother. My entire child hood I grew up with a family who hated me treated me like %#@&#! and never did anything for me. I never had anyone to talk to or to play with. My real father I never even knew and I guess for once I can say my real father truely never wanted anything to do with me. I found him a couple monthes ago and though ive exchanged a few letters with my aunt (his sister) they to really dont want to know me. My father never even answered my letter. Nothing at all just nothing. Im such a sad pathetic messed up soul. I hate myself I think im ugly I am so unhappy. I have come to realize that I am starting to treat my daughter like I was treated growing up(minus the physical and sexual abuse, that I know I would never)... But I do find myself disengaging from her not really talking to her or playing with her I rarely ever play with her. She can tell I know she can how can she not..What is wrong with me why on gods earth would I ever treat her like this. I love her I swear to god I love her but what kind of mother am I??? I do not understand why im treating her this way mind u shes only 6 going to be 7 in oct. I cant remember my childhood below the age of 9 and even thats fuzzy. All I remember of my childhood is all the horrible things that have been done to me. I dont want my bueatiful babies to grow up like I have or to suffer and feel the pain like I have. My babies deserve so much more then I am giving them I truely believe they would be better off without me. I know what im doing but I cant seem to stop it, I cry and beg god to please help me and still nothing changes. I feel so dead inside and nothing can change that. I feel like im the worst mother on earth and I should never have been blessed to have two bueatiful and wonderful girls, they deserve a much better mommy. I need help I have no one to talk to absolutely no one. My husband he dosnt want to hear about me and how im feeling. I dont blame him I wouldnt want to listen to me eaither.......To Be Continued........