Hi TJ,

I don't mean to sound overly dramatic, but it really is a matter of life or death. I asked to be put back on Parnate after thinking about, and making preparations for suicide.

The last time I did that, I had actually written a letter addressed to the Coroner's Office to help them process my case so I could be cremated as soon as possible. It took me two weeks to write the letter because of my cognitive problems. My husband sensed something was wrong and escorted me to my psychiatrist's office. I was admitted involuntarily and it took two months before I could even remotely consider staying alive. It seems that once I reach a certain point, there is no turning back for me without some form of treatment.

Before restarting the Parnate this time, I was just on the verge of being acutely suicidal. I can honestly say that is no longer the case, and the only thing that really changed was me taking the Parnate. Thankfully this medication works quickly for me. I 'm so glad I was able skip the hospital part this time, although I now know that my husband was keeping a close eye on the situation.

For those people who have never considered or attempted suicide, there is no way for me to explain how it is possible to get to the point where it feels like the only option, regardless of how much loved ones will inevitably be hurt.

The only explanation I have for myself is that, for me and many others, this is just one part of major depression. That's why it's so important for people with mood disorders to be properly diagnosed and treated. Sometimes the treatment itself causes damage, and I am very sorry that is the case for you.

My cognitive difficulties (aside from some temporary memory loss after ECT) developed during the time I was experiencing neurological problems. I stopped my antidepressant medication, hoping my symptoms would go away, but they got progressively worse during a two year period. My husband first noticed signs of cognitive problems long after I was off of antidepressant medication. Although the cognitive problems remained and I had to work very hard to regain strength on my left side, my stroke-like symptoms stopped when I started a strictly gluten-free diet (which is a whole other story).

Thanks for taking the time to respond and for caring. I wish you all the best!

rliz