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Old Aug 26, 2008, 07:22 PM
Anonymous29412
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Okay. I took way too many pills (not a lethal overdose by any means, just enough to get me out of ME. Ugh! ME!!!!) and left a message on T's phone and told him that I wish I could fold him up and put him in my pocket and pull him out whenever I need him (like now).

I also told him that what I really want to do in session is curl up under a blanket and just BE THERE, but I feel like I should try to seem okay and so I put on an act of "I'm okay" for him whenever I can (when I'm not dissociating, etc.). I mean, there are definitely times when I am honest, and I let myself feel whatever I'm feeling - but my "Don't talk, don't feel" habit is SO INGRAINED that I fall into it without even really meaning to. Like, I almost can't help it sometimes.

I'm about to go on a vacation, so I won't see T for 11 days. I just want to play in therapy on Thursday (last session before vacation) because I want to feel safe and connected before I go. So, it's an Uno day, we already decided.

I have no idea what the point of this post is. Guess I'm just reaching out to connect with someone.