I feel bad for posting so much, but I really wanted to share this.

Usually, when I bring up any feelings about abuse in my past, my mom starts crying and screaming "What have we done to you?!" while my dad gets really angry and starts yelling about how they're the the best parents they can be and how dare I accuse them... anyway, I don't bring it up much, as I like to keep the peace. But today, when I was driving in the care with my mom, she brought it up.

"You know, Nicole," she started," I really did try my best with you. I told you to keep your emotions in, and not get angry, but all the time you used to have these rages and crying fits and whatever I did, it never worked. I thought the neighbours might think I was beating you, you cried so much. It simply never occured to me that you would see our gentle, firm way of handling you as rejecting your emotions. It never occured to me that you wouldn't get it, the way Matthew would, or I would. I guess thats part of the Asbergers [my mother is firmly convinced that I have Asbergers, and we're currently waiting for an assesment.], that you just don't communicate as well as other children do, and you resorted to rages. I guess part of it is the bipolar, too. I, in some way, I blame myself, because maybe I would have noticed and stopped to think. It all makes perfect sense to me now. I'm sorry. I know you're perception is different from mine, that on your end it was abuse, and on mine I thought I was being perfectly reasonable. I hope we can work this out."

I was stunned. To think that my mother would open up to me was a shock. I didn't say a single thing else on the way home. I just had nothing to say except maybe thank-you. I'm almost crying I'm so happy. She didn't say she abused me. She didn't throw herself on me in tears. She just stated her point of view in a positive and reasonable manner. I think, maybe, I understand a little bit better now what she means when she says "I didn't know what you were going through". I can't describe the emotions I'm going through.

Just wanted to share this moment. Thank-you.