I don't post very often - I don't get along with people. Whether it's my intent or not I drive a wedge between me and everyone else. I don't always know what I'm doing that causes this and I'm seemingly helpless to make it stop.

Sometimes I spend hours, like most of the day, online trying to find something that I can be a part of. All my therapist ever says is if I'm driving people away it must be what I want. Since I can't figure the mess out on my own, nothing will ever change. I think I try. I feel like I try. I hate being alone. I cry rivers because I'm so alone. But if my therapist says that I want to be alone, then I guess he must be right. Too bad he doesn't bother to help me figure out why I think one thing on the surface and something else in some space of my brain that I'm not aware of.

I try to talk to him, but he never seems to hear me. He laughs at me all the time. He cuts me off mid sentence all the time. My therapy consists of my therapist hurting my feelings, confusing me, and leaving me to try to figure it all out on my own.

I have an ocean of tears wanting to come out, a mountain of concerns, and no one to turn to for support.

I don't know how to live. I don't know how to be. Everything always goes wrong and I'm always the one to blame. The only thing I'm good for is crying and that's not good.