Thanks, Lenny, for your input on this. I think of you here on PC as very wise in your responses.
I do think I should elaborate here on the in-person visits with him, after almost 30 years, and how "sparkful" they were, with actual romantic kisses, etc. It left me feeling sad, knowing he was returning to his wife and life in Mass. That was hard on me, and that is why I chose not to see him when he was here a year ago. I just wasn't willing to put myself thru that again. After that, his emails became less and less.
I do realize I've been too dependent on communication from him for fulfilling my otherwise emotionally bereft life.
Patty