I share this.. piece of my life with you... in hopes that like KD has said in her post... put in my own words... your friend can set boundaries...

First... I am a DIDer... with PTSD... and GAD... with an ED... yes.. wow.. many conditions...

I can tell you like KD.... I have always been caretaker of everyone in my family.. and extended family....

I love... my family... I love my friends.. and I have always been the caretaker.. even as a very young child....

And.. I made choices... when I became pregnant... I entered therapy... and stayed in therapy... my son is going to be 24 soon.. so.. it has been a very long time..

I got a BS degree... I worked a full time demanding job... with on-call.. all before I was diagnosised... as DID

My own Mom... was sick.. all of my life.. I am 52.. and she died when she was 82.. her sickness.. was her heart... it was damaged by reuhmatic fever... when she was 16 - not something she could help either..

My mom... was not a giver... she could have been if she had wanted to be... she did not want to be... she took.. and she took.. and she would take as much.. as you were willing to give..it was her Personality... yes.. not DID... a one personality...

Hence... boundary setting..for me..with her....

This hit home for me... when I had my son... WOW.... how.. much energy... did I have.. and how was I to divide it.... well boundaries were set... my son... first... and... me.. I had to have time.. and friendships.. and be a "normal" mom - my son... a baby... really brought that home...

So... your friend... could actually go to a therapist - and the therapist would be able to help her set firm boundaries.... so she could have a life... herself.... that...is really my recomendation..

You and she could say to me " but... but... but... her mom neeeeddddssss her"... and I would say.... boundaries... it is possible.. it is needed.. it is necessary...

And yes.. this is from a DIDer... about her mom.. who had a physical illness...

My son... has no clue... that I am DID... and I am on the very severe end.. of it....his life.. really impacted for the betterment... because he had ME... as his Mom... a loving.. caring.. wonderful Mom....who just happened to be DID...

So... I guess... it is about boundaries... difficult choices that your friend.. must now make in her life...

It would be.. simliar.. if her mom was physically ill... or an achohalic.. or a drug addict... or really anything... where.... the Mom's demands.. completely overtook someone else's life... and they allowed their life to be overtaken..

Yes... I do consider my DID... to be a gift from God... because of the horrific ... horrific abuse that I went thru... Thank God... that I do not have all the memories in one place... Yazza..

I have a very high IQ.... discovered.. in grade school...I have creative talents... I have a highly developed 6th sense.. to other people's pain..

I have used my experiences... to find children that are sexually abused.. and get them help... I have used my 6th sense.. to identify... battered women... and make friends... and slowly... get them out of the home...and this helped them... and their own children...

That is why... in part I consider my DID a gift...

You see... a DIDer... can have a very.... positive impact on other people's lives... rather than a negative..

"normal" people are impacted... too by me... because of my loving, gentle, non-jaded... non- bitter.... alters... and it raises their compassion... makes them realize how much they love their lives..that they were "gifted"... with wonderful experiences...

Yes... I have gone... on and on... and on.. in this post..

I just wanted you to realize.. it is not the DID....

It is "the person".... your friend's Mom..

So the both of you can talk about... setting boundaries.... and changing your friend's life for the better....

I have been there where your friend is now... with my own Mom... and not because.. she was DID... because she had a very bad.. physical condition....

And... my Mom... would call me.. at work.. say "I have a bladder infection"... I would call... get her an appt with dr... arrange to take time off... and then have her refuse to go..
Then... there I was at work... worried sick... and calling and convincing.. her to go to dr... and she did eventually - but all that time.. all that impact on my life... Yazza..

That... was before my baby... and before.. I learned boundary setting..

After the boundary setting... my Mom... truely.. did "live"... she was 82.. so she had.. a very long life...

I wish you well..

I wish you understanding of my post..

I wish you peace...

I wish I could.. help your pain... your friends pain... and her Mom's pain...