Wow, thank you everyone who responded. Yeah, I would say I'm not necessarily upset at a diagnosis. It is what it is, and if it's helping her mother then so be it. I am just upset and frustrated because of the situation. As for calling it a gift, I never really had an issue with it. It doesn't matter to me really. I was just finding nothing in any support forums online that even talked about this situation. Granted, I wasn't prepared to spend all day searching the depths of the internet to find it.

I am relieved to know that other people have experienced similar things and that healing is possible. I'm just looking for hope that things can get better. Of course, none of us can say definitely whether they will or not. I just wanted to believe it wasn't a hopeless situation.

As for my friend, she does want very badly to set boundaries. At least that's what I gather from what she has told me. She is an adult, sort of. She is going to school full time and working part time so she can't exactly afford to move out or anything like that, but she's told me time and time again that she plans to move out as soon as she can. She was planning to be able to in about a year, but that got set back a semester because of a mix-up with her college. I think all these things factored together to make her feel very overwhelmed and . . . it's probably why she hasn't made any effort to communicate with me at all recently.

Also, from my understanding her mother is high functioning. She works a full time job, and is able to babysit and carry on like "normal" people. The only thing I know for certain that she is not able to do for herself is drive, and since we live out in a town with no public transportation she does rely on her daughters to get her to and from work. In fact, in the many times I've been to my friend's house her mother has shown no indication that she had any mental conditions whatsoever. But my friend explains that that is because her alters protect each other or something. I don't really understand it, and I don't mind that I don't understand it. The types of things that my friend is expected to do around the house are not necessarily in a care giving role for her mother. Her mother still very much is the care giver in the household. My friend is expected more to do chores, babysit her sister's kids when her sister is working, etc. Very typical things that you would expect any family to have to do. However, none of these things are really my friend's responsibilities. I means, she wants to help out, sure, as she does care about her family a lot. I think she just wishes she didn't have to do as much.

I think it may just be an issue of setting boundaries, after all. She does fear the worst for her mom and I believe that is why she is hesitant to do anything that even MIGHT make things harder. I know that this is an issue that exists in many families that have no one who is DID or anything. But the fact that her mother has been diagnosed with DID complicates it. Perhaps not anymore than if her mother was an alcoholic or something else, but who can say really.

I don't really know how I would be able to suggest to my friend that she look into therapy. That sounds to me like it could very easily be taken the wrong way. But it is evident that she needs to learn how to set boundaries now, and not wait until she is trying to move out and think she will be able to shrug everything off. I know she feels like she has no other option. Would there be a tactful way to bring it up to her? Is it something that she has to do on her own? I realize that she will have to want to do it, and that no one can force anything on anyone if they don't want.

She doesn't spend too much time online (one of the many things she doesn't feel like she has time for anymore), otherwise I would direct to her to this group, as you've all been overwhelmingly supportive and helpful already.

Would depression qualify as "something else" that is going on, or is that just part of DID?

I don't have all the details. And she doesn't plan on giving them to me from what I can tell. It's hard to be on the outside and not really know what is going on for sure. She used to say things to me like "you don't understand" and "if you knew what I've been going through the past two weeks then . . ." etc. And I don't know. And I ask, and of course she doesn't want to talk about it. I do think it would be good for her to talk to somebody though.

I'm sorry I attacked calling DID a gift. I meant no harm. But truly, it amazing to me how so many people can pay for someone else's sins. My friend is only 20 years old, and she's got the world at her feet. I just hope it doesn't take her her whole life to realize what she needs to do.

Alas, I still haven't heard a peep from her in a few days. Which is extremely atypical for our relationship as we've talked every single day for the past 2 years. I worry that she'll try and push me away. And while I don't plan on going anywhere, I can't do much if she refuses to communicate. But . . . thanks again for everything, and most of all for suggesting some very practical steps she can take however difficult they may be.

Perhaps I'll hang out a little more on the boards. Thanks again, and I wish you all well.