Thanks guys, for your hugs and support.

Earthmama, I have often written letters and such. This time for some reason I can't. I wrote a poem the other night and lost it on my computer and don't care. It's just that I have been with him two years and I wish I were able to hold onto the connection better.
I hope you are right but I suspect the return will be really hard too. I think I am depressed again.

Kiya, Thanks for bene--I will take good care of him. Can I feed him dog chow?

Spotted, I think a cognitive dissonance may be there but in a different context than what you described. I'm not protecting myself--I already know he hurt me. It's more like, if he doesn't come back then I have to really really really start over again and I don't have the energy for that anymore in my life.

OH well, off to work.

Thanks.