(((((((((Danny)))))))))) a lot of us have had thoughts like these, but it can get better and I promise you that it will, but you need to tell someone, you need to ask for that extra bit of help and don't be ashamed by that, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
It pains me to know that other people are hurting and even though you don't know our faces or names everyone on this forum cares and to some degree understands. There'll always be someone to talk to.
You're not alone, please go talk to your doctor if you haven't done so.

Take care,
Molly