On Tuesday night i had to gointo hospital with this stupid pain in my left side. The pain was excutiating and they eventually put me on morphine .....

A scan showed that therewasno cyst on my ovary and a large one hadn't burstthey'd be able to tell. The consultant came in and said your scan was clear and walked out before i had chance to ask him what caused the pain..... at this point i was still on morphine. When it was wearing off i had an anxiety attack, i darent buzz the nurse .... i felt really scared, so i st and sobbed in my room. Eventually someone bought in the sandwiches i'd ordered earlier .... she went to get a nurse.

To cut a long story short i couldn't speakfor sobbing ... i think she thought i was mad! I ended up telling her i was in therapy and that noone had explained about my pain or even been in to see me since the consultant had been. She was really nice and offered to call Tony. I told her i dont like to cause a fuss or press my buzzer when i need pain relief and i was in pain quite bad ..... i just couldn't go up to the desk how stupid am i ...... she gave me a pill to calm me down, gave me more morphine and told me to sleep i was so tired.

The thing is, i was sobbing so hard, i felt like a child in there. i felt they were all thinking i was wasting their time because the scan was clear.... this is what my brain was telling me .... i hope this makes sense, a 43 year old sobbing like that so no words would come out .... i felt so stupid ... i just felt so ignored and confused.

This morning my consultant was a bit more understandng and told me that the ovary had probably bled which had caused the pain ... why couldn't he have said that last night?????? He still wont consider taking it out just yet so i may have to go thru this whole scenario again....... only now i'm scared to go in hospital ...... that anxiety attack last night was the worst ever ...... this morning they never bought me water or breakfast and i thought (me being me)they were punishing me for wasting ther time,but they'd missed out the room by mistake .... this is the way my brain works ..... why am i so stupid ....

I have an appointment in 8 weeks .... i am still in pain but not so bad ....

sorry this was so long, just needed to get it out .... Jin