Ugh, ugh, ugh.
I don't even know if this belongs here or in Eating Disorders.....if it belongs there, could someone much more talented than me move it please? Thanks.

First off. I haven't- hadn't- cut in probably six months. Which isn't a record for me, but it's the second-longest I've gone, so I was really happy with myself.
Then, yesterday, I binged. I don't know how it happened, I had my menu for the day all planned out- 312 calories, all healthy- and then all of a sudden I was making snickerdoodles and having junk food. A LOT of junk food.
And I didn't even realize what was happening until it was already almost over.
For some reason purging has stopped working for me, so I did the only thing left open to me.
I cut.
I cut a lot.
I cut REALLY REALLY DEEP.
And because the only thing I had to cover it up was duct tape [I made a wristband when I was finished] it all had to be in like....an inch and a half of space.

And I will freely admit. I felt a million times better......and on some level I still do. I still feel like I screwed up, and now I've atoned for it. But on another level, all I can think is "How could I give in to cutting? How could I do that when I'd been doing so well? Failure, failure, failure, failure....." so on that level I feel worse than I did before.

Ugh.