I've posted those three words before, but it has occurred to me that there wasn't much of an explanation given with it.

Whenever we find ourselves in an unpleasant situation for whatever reason, when we feel angry, feel accused, feel the "fight or flight" response, especially with a panic attack, that is the time to STOP what we're doing and/or saying/listening to. Just come to a dead STOP. We can remove ourselves from a situation, find a quiet place, even just ignore what is going on around us by closing our eyes and tuning out. Take a few deep breaths and cool down as much as possible. THINK of what happened to bring you to this point. If you are feeling bad about what you perceive was said or done, remember; FEELINGS AREN'T FACTS. FEELINGS are neither good nor bad. Feelings just are! Sometimes feelings within us get triggered by outside stimuli. We need to THINK things through to gain a better perspective rather than reacting to our feelings. A "knee jerk" is not the proper response when we are agitated. Checking out our thinking to see if there are any "Thinking Mistakes" is indeed the best choice.

After having sorted out our feelings and clarified them, checked to see if we were triggered unnecessarily, then we can decide if we need to ACT on those feelings. Many times, we'll find that there is no ACT necessary. If we find that an action is necessary, "I" statements could come into play if we feel we need to confront someone.

Like "Beauty is in the 'I'" talks about someone stating their opinion but in reverse. Tell the other person about YOU and what you perceive as being said or done. "I feel that..." "I was hurt when..." "I'm confused about..." Using "You Statements" only serves to make the other person defensive and angry because "You Statements" feel like attacks on the person listening.

Compare these two statements and see if you can feel the difference;

"You made me so angry when you said that!"

as opposed to

"I felt angry about a statement that was made."

Avoiding needless confrontations, mistakes in our thinking and/or actions goes a long way towards keeping our self-esteem intact.

It takes practice to even get yourself to STOP before reacting, but like all good things, it sure is worth it! When you've resolved the problem, you can walk away with a sense of self-satisfaction. It also enables you to maintain some control over the situation.

It's made my life a whole lot easier! Try it and see if you don’t get good results most of the time.