I'm back.

T was so amazing. He sat with me on the couch and helped me get the words out. It took almost the whole session for me to be able to say what happened. I was so scared, kept getting lost in flashbacks, could hear his voice pulling me back into the room with him, telling me I was with him, I was safe, it wasn't happening now. He held my hand and took care of me and I survived.

And now someone knows my biggest secret. Something I've never told anyone, something that I've been alone with forever. I wanted to hide, disappear, but he wouldn't let me. He told me that what I was feeling is not what I AM. He said he wanted to share it with me, that he could handle it. I can't believe I told.

When I left, the world literally felt like a different place. It reminded me of when I had my first baby - when I was driving home from the hospital, I literally felt like I was in a different world than the one I was in when we drove to the hospital, because something so big had changed. That's how I felt driving home from T. SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS. But it's okay, because it's T.

My head is killing me. I'm still trying to get my brain around what happened today. All I know is I survived, and I think it's going to be okay.