MIGHT BE TRIGGERING

Nothing is helping this depression and it's getting worse....T and Pdoc both are aware of my symptoms and what is going on with me- if it's not better soon then I will most likely be put back into the hospital for another %#@&#! stay, i can not go back there again i hate that place- it triggers me in some many ways and why am i even saying this stuff no one really cares if im here or if im gone- ergggggggg...im so angry right now for being like this- ppl are sick of me heck im %#@&#! sick of myself i hate myself and all i want to do anymore is just curl up in a ball and rock myself till im either asleep ( not getting much of that) or burst into tears and end up getting my blades out and cutting to get the pain out. I can not take it anymore why am i like this please someone %#@&#! answer WHY me WHY do i have to be like this WHY do i self harm....i feel like im not in my body right now- im someone else who the %#@&#! knows anymore