((((((((((jinny))))))))))

i'm sorry you had a bad experience. i just hope they can find the source and fix the pain for you. don't know about the uk, but over here, many times when there is pain they put people on a special IV that they can just push the button on and get a small booster dose of morphine when needed. it is set so that you can only get so many, so you can't hurt yourself. you might ask about that and see if maybe they could use that for you, then you wouldn't have to ask when you are in pain.

wish i could be more help, but you are not stupid, and i do the same with the crying. i get so anxious all i can do is cry, this makes me more anxious, which makes me cry harder.

hugs
lost