I thought i was going to be able to take the big plunge today and set up an appt with a t. I went to the insurance's listing and there are 198 t's listed with 47 women. I dont know if a man or a woman would be better. i dont want to talk to my pcp about it and thought that since i found out i dont really need a referral i could start that way. It is such a huge list, and noone really seems to specialize in childhood sex abuse. at least they dont list it. I have no idea where to start. I dont want to contact each one and say "hey, i was looking for someone to help me deal with being r*p*d when i was a kid, but i dont want to bring it up right away, maybe work up to it, what dya say?" you know? I wanted i guess to find someone who worked with depression and... oh yeah csa and I could develope a relationship first and then maybe bring it up on my own terms. I dont know who to turn to or what to do. It just seems like every time i try to take a step foward there are these rediculous hurdles standing in my way. I just dont know how to find the help i need. I cant just jump in with both feet the way everyone seems to want me to. I feel so alone and vulnerable in all this. 198 people! I just feel like I should forget all of this, have anouther drink and move on. I''m 27 yrs old and should be over all this by now anyway. I dont know i feel really helpless right now, and dont know where to go from here. Any advise?