Zen,
I feel that you understand the feelings but I think we are coming from different places. That's ok.

It was good to read about what you have done to make your life better and to feel better. You seem to have really gotten to know yourself and your needs and how to take care of you and them. It takes time to find your way but you are well on the road!!

You should feel good about what you have done and how far you have come from where you were. It's impressive.
Your an amazing woman.
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin