It is ironic.
I know, for what ever reason, I view myself as being at fault or to blame so much more so than I do my abusers. Intellectually it a concept that is stupid, but emotionally it is hard to truly get rid of. 
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"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach)
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