Not too surprisingly, my friend was also puzzled as to why the T insisted on knowing who referred me; and was just as shocked as I that the T had intuited / guessed his name. However, the really interesting part is that he still had a good opinion of her, based on his previous work with her. He also spoke of a co-worker who was being helped.
Credit to Rapunzel for an accurate and intelligent read on the T's stated intentions, which was to clear a block that would interfere with therapy. I have tried to avoid a knee-jerk reaction here, because I could be clinging to unhelpful patterns. A detached consideration is important.
To make a long story short, I concluded that I need a new therapist, as this one has shown herself to be at least impulsive, possibly reckless and willing to violate her own stated code of ethics. The damage to my trust is irreparable.
Another client might not feel the same way, of course, and benefit from this T. In my case, one reason I will steer clear is because of a bad brush with an aggressive doctor, who misdiagnosed my condition and put me on a drug that came close to killing me. I also knew a psychologist socially, who had a weak grasp of ethics (dropping name of famous client, for example) and is now facing jail on unrelated federal charges. Not a good example there. So where another client might feel the need to be taken in hand, I have reason to distrust such an approach.
The code of ethics of the Association of American Counselors, to which she claimed to subscribe, states: "Counselors do not share confidential information without client consent or without sound legal or ethical justification." And also "Counselors maintain awareness and sensitivity regarding cultural meanings of confidentiality and privacy. Counselors respect differing views toward disclosure of information."
While actual disclosure did not occur, the fact remains that it could have -- as others have pointed out -- I could have been lying, on a fishing expedition, whatever. And she disregarded my vehemently-stated need to keep information private.
Of course, the T can say the demands of treatment necessitated a breach-- but in only the 2nd 45-min. session? I doubt the ethics panel of her association would agree. This was simply a power play. Everything about her methods screams "my way or no way", from her telling me off the bat that all "analysis doesn't work" and that she would "eradicate" my "bad behaviors." It's not like I was forced to go into her office. I came in asking for help, open to new ideas. She didn't need to force any issues.
So, lesson learned, gold found in the dross (a steer toward investigating ADD).
I will always wonder if this T did my friend more harm than good. Would he still be married (he speaks of his divorce with great regret) if he had chosen another T? I don't believe it's my place to suggest this to him, at least at this time. I will not discuss the T with him anymore. I just hope she doesn't discuss ME with HIM.