Hi pink and thanks for your reply.

When I think of connecting moments, I get nearly sick with missing her. I just want to be there so badly right now. RIGHT now! lol

Even my good news seems to be getting cold and dark and ominous. A year ago I could barely leave my apartment for necessities. Now a new job, moving. It feels like I'm in over my head!

Really, I don't think I'd get mad in session. It would probably be healthy to do that, but so afraid of my anger.

I think though, you have helped me understand that part of my distress is because I have such conflicting feelings going on. I really struggle with ambivalence. I always think I have to choose one emotion at a time. The truth is that I'm excited she's coming back soon and I can share my good scarey news, lol. And I'm also angry that she has been away and especially that she wasn't here when it all happened because I really needed her to be here then.

The anger part makes me feel SO guilty.
And afraid. That my anger will make her angry. That her anger will make her leave...

See, I'm afraid if I ever get to anger... I'll need 5 sessions per week!!