I thought it was important to bring this over from the old forum so I could respond to it. It's from chaotic13:

"Internettie...Let me preface my comments by saying I HAVE NEVER PARTICIPATED IN GROUP THERAPY AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO TRAINING PSYCHOLOGY. My experience comes only from teaching where I use collaborative learning and group work a lot.

My comment first is to Perna.

This group member was very rude. Calling someone fat and smelly, even if it is true is unacceptable. The moderators of the group should have address this in the group, right then and there. IMO This women was not trying to constructive... she was deliberately being hurtful. I agree that sometimes when we are told things that really bother us.. we need to reflect on the reasons they hurt so much... But anyone who says something like this... is just being a *****. This should have been dealt with.

Although the email your T and this other T sent you sounds very sincere, I think they dropped the ball when facilitating this group session. I don't care how shocked or caught off guard they were by this member's comments....they should not have left this women's comments gone unchallenged. I would think therapy groups would have some common decency ground rules that all members must follow. If tact is not one of J strong suit then... that session could have been used as a way to help her realize the need for tact. Those T's should not have just sat there dumbfounded. They should have used this as a teachable moment. It just seems like a good group leader would have just let this situation go without comment or discussion. Maybe I just don't get DBT. This situation could have been flipped to a positive but instead it was swept under the carpet leaving you feeling hurt, J not getting the message that her lack of tack might be why she need therapy, and the other group members wondering if they will be the next person to be preyed on while the rest of the group sits silently in indifference.

Quote:
I thought about having her apologize right during group, then decided that it would better if the two of you were to talk in private with a therapist

I find this statement to be complete ********. She did not act to protect you and is now rationalizing it. Having you and J talk about this issue behind closed doors doesn't benefit the GROUP. IMO

Quote:
..we were very concerned about what J had said and are hurting for you.

MORE BS if you ask me. I'd ask these Ts, if you were so concerned... why did you just sit there and watch me get attacked and bullied?

The Ts running this group should have been deliberating on setting ground rules BEFORE deciding on facilitating a group--not sitting in their office saying, "oh %#@&#! what do we do now."

I would definitely talk with your T about how this situation was handled. And let her know that she should have helped you RIGHT THEN AND THERE and not waited until you emailed them.

I'm sorry maybe my comments are totally out of line. I just think these so called group leaders own you an apology. J may have mental problems but they don't.

Don't wrestle with Spirit. Collaborate with it. (Breathnach)

Edited by chaotic13 (Yesterday (08/31/08) at 09:20 pm)"