(((LAS)))

I was reading through the blogs earlier, and your post reminded me of an article:

10 Reasons to Lie to Your Therapist

Basically, it is totally normal and even helpful to 'lie' to your therapist.

I too have been struggling with 'how I present myself in therapy'. How much am I hiding from T? How important it is for me to have T see me as healthy.

Then, one day I was *really* craving T's approval. I started journaling about the feelings since I had a few days until my next session. I realized that it wasn't T I wanted approval from, but myself. I still felt personal guilt, blame, shame over past events.

It was a lightbulb-going-on moment. Somehow that realization has been freeing -- and I've since been trying to be more forgiving of myself. Now, whenever I find myself craving X from T, I try to pause and ask myself if I can give that forgiveness/love/acceptance to myself.

(Mind you, this is a slow process. So, even the process of trying to remember that awareness requires patience and forgiveness.)

I don't know if that helps, but you're not alone.