I'm sorry you're feeling in such a bad place right now. I'm curious about the location listed in your profile. It reminds me of a poster on another site who goes by the screen name underthecs. My brain used to always turn that into "under ethics" which made no sense.

Are you able to get CBT? And are you on any meds for social anxiety? I know both can help. Sometimes group CBT is helpful as well, because it gives you an opportunity to kind of "face your fears" within a safe environment and get support from others with similar issues. But it's hard to get a group going for that very reason, though, because it's very scary for folks with SA to go.

Can you try to talk to your boyfriend about the distance? Could it be just situation? I know my husband and I often get into a bad habit of spending lots of time in separate areas of the house doing separate things, and that leads to me feeling distanced from him at times. We really don't make much effort to do things together. So I know that I need to get better at making an effort to get off the computer and go in the other room to talk to him. And eating dinner at the table instead of on trays in front of the TV helps, too.

Just some thoughts. I hope it turns around for you soon.

Take care,
gg