Couldn't find the TW, so I am saying it now.....TW TW TW TW TW TW

Not sure who could get triggered or why, but I thought I would say that I mention a family members death and some addiction.

My mothers' birthday is on the 6th and this is going to be the first one since she passed in February. I was talking to my BF about doing something to celebrate her. I told him that there isn't much to do anymore. I mean, when mom was alive, she was the one that held everything together, now....we all have our own lives. No one would even think about getting together for her b-day, so I am not going to bother.

To give a bit of background, I was in group homes and foster homes from the age of 12 until I was 18 and only saw my family once a year if I was lucky until last September when I came to live with my family to care for my mom.

It makes me so upset that we don't communicate as much. I think I have seen my step-dad maybe 4-5 times since mom's passing. He has been my dad for the past 24 years or so and now I just don't feel any connection to him. He is a Vietnam vet with many issues. One issue is that his memory is not the greatest. He only remembers certain things and when he does remember, it isn't always the truth. He never seemed that way before....not that he wasn't that way, I just never noticed.

My younger sister has 4 kids, her husband is in jail and she has the lowest self esteem of anyone I have ever met!! She won't even go out to the mailbox to get the mail. She has no idea how beautiful she is and I am not just saying that cuz I'm her sister.

My oldest sister is having a back and forth relationship with her husband (she leaves and comes back, etc). She has some issues like me (mental issues) and is addicted to pain killers (IMHO, though she would never admit it)

I have one other sister, but I never talk to her due to her addictions and behavior.

Anyways, I feel like my family has just fallen apart since mom passed. We have no idea what we will do for Thanksgiving or even Christmas. We used to have those at mom's and dad said, "No".

We are lucky if we can get a couple of us together at the same time. We no longer have a gathering point....mom's house was it.

I just don't feel like I have a family anymore.....again....it is very sad to think that just because mom is gone that the family has disintegrated.

:Sigh:

Just had to get that all out. You don't need to reply, I just had to express my feelings....somewhere....

BJ