for years i've wished that i looked like who i am..as i age, i look more and more like my mother (no polyester though)and that's not how i want to look. i want to look like the reckless, chance-taking, creative and strong person that i believe myself to be.......society expectations aren't for me to be who i am....i'll never forget my dealer sending a couple from Manhattan to my studio to meet me....i was barefooted, sweats rolled up to my knees and filthy...working in my lower garden (which i had fertilized with chicken ****). they drove up in their mercedes and got out and the woman asked, "where would we find Pat Allgood, the artist?"........oh you don't want to know what all went through my mind then....she was looking for a woman in gold lame, cowboy boots, scarf around neck and a bolo made from rattlesnak skin..of that i'm sure....when i told her who i was.....their faces fell about three feet and they stuttered for a bit and then left.......societal expectations, for me, have been impossible to overcome. the Indian cowboys and cowgirls have even teased me about it..I guess, after i've rambled, the best part of myself is how i view myself. and i view myself as reckless, chance-taking, creative and strong. my mother never saw an obstacle that she couldn't get around and the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. i'm starting intense therapy soon and this is an issue that i want to work on...i also have a lot of trouble with preconceived notions about how other people will look or act or both....i'm really bad about that. i am trying to change it but it is really hard. at least i'm surprised pretty often~~