Enough, Enough, Enough....I declare there are no more changes permitted in my world--good or bad--they are just not allowed.

I have been a little manic for some time now. And it just does not feel good anymore. I am really, really anxious. It seems like everything is changing and everybody wants something and it is all happening at the same time.

Not to mention the little things that really keep annoying me. Like for instance--why do I keep seeing pictures of all those "perfectly" thin gorgeous people? Why do most of them seem to be blond? Who do they think they are smiling at and no, I don't really believe they are that happy. I am absolutely sure, that there are a lot more people out there who look a little more like me. I am also fairly certain we have them outnumbered. So, why do I keep seeing pictures of them all over and yet, I never see one that looks like me? Really, I am what is "normal" so why are they looking at me with their dazzling blue eyes and continuously telling me through their sparkling white teeth that they are beautiful and I should admire them and want to be like them and buy whatever it is they have? Somebody tell them that I'd rather eat my yummy hamburger and haul my "big" butt around in a crappy little saturn than starve myself and go in debt for sports car...and, no, I am not bleaching my hair. It annoys me that they annoy me....And, for goodness sake, they all need to put on a little sunscreen and maybe a few more clothes while they are at it. AAAHHH...

Please, will somebody show me a little compassion? I know, this is general mental health forum...maybe this rant does not belong here. But, you know, dang it, being anxious and obsessive because of my freakin mania compounded by all this change, is about my mental health. My mental health is not so good right now. I feel like I am about ready to explode. Please, does anybody have any idea what this is like? To go week after week with very little or no sleep. To be constantly wound up and unable to relax. To be compelled to continuesly obsess about something and yet not really able to pay attenion to anything? Dang, to feel like those "perfect" people really are staring at you. And, I have not even mentioned the freakish hallucinations from the meds I am taking to just get the little bit of sleep I am getting. And, of course, there is the fact that I could keep writing this post....keep obsessing about it....just keep going on and on....it just never stops.