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I cannot put a trigger sign, so beware this may trigger.
Jesse,
You must understand that many of us on this site are survivors of sexual abuse. Our Host Doc John made a difficult decision, he realizes that abusers or former abusers need help, but he decided to make this site a haven for survivors. There’s a lot of information to read about the site in the sub-forum Community guidelines in General.
Nightbird is a wonderful person, if you’d met her in chat you’d love her. She truly is a supportive person. I admire her courage in saying the things that many of us were thinking but unable to say.
While I cannot speak for her, I find your attitude about those sexual issues very frustrating. You minimize them so much that it is hard for me, as a survivor to believe that you understand the magnitude of the situation.
I personally blame the parents of the young man that raped me. It was not violent in the sense that I was not beaten, but I was over-powered. I had no choice. He thought that “no” was playing hard to get. I had flirted with him earlier in the evening therefore he felt he could take what was not freely given. It took years for me to realize that I was not at fault. I was ashamed of allowing myself to get into that position, and not being able to control it. That is why I didn’t tell my parents. My father was a police officer and I did not want to embarrass him or put him in the position of having to deal with the person that abused his daughter.
There were complications to keeping it to myself and just trying to forget that it ever happened. That was my first sexual experience and I wound up being pregnant. I won’t even go into that story.
I have 3 sons, I have taught them that no or stop, at any stage of the sexual act means stop. PERIOD. It doesn’t matter if it is your wife, girl-friend or anyone in between. I also have a daughter that I have taught that she has a right to say no or stop if she is feeling uncomfortable in any way.
I really do want you to get the help you need, I don’t want you to repeat this mistake with someone else. The first step is acknowledging, which you do half-heartedly. But please, please, please I know it must be extremely painful to acknowledge what you’ve done to the fullest extent, but until you do you will not grow or heal.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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