He's my X husband.. former husband. The marriage was over when our child was 4... but we had a child.... so we all got seperate bedrooms and stayed living together. Bad enough she's got me for a mother.. I couldn't imagine her having to grow up without a father. We finally got divorced 3 years ago, when she was in college... but she was still living at home. Now she's gone. She moved 2 states away and I'm still here probably because I know now that I'm so old I can't make it on my own. Only thing is now that she's gone... there's nothing. He doesn't mind me being here as long as I cook and iron his clothes so there's nothing heavy going on here. We don't fight... hardly ever talk really. After 25 years, what's there to say? He doesn't want his own life. He likes it the way it is. He's got 20 years on me and he doesn't want to start over again. I'm the one always looking to fly away.. and now I'm a tad too old and too tired. Guess I've been depressed for 25 years.. no longer. I was always in a really bad funk since I was like 12 or 13.

I keep trying but I'm not getting anywhere and how much life is there left really? I feel like a hamster in a wheel.