Hello,

I'm new to this forum and the world of mental illness. I've been married for 15 years, and in that time, have watched my brother-in-law go from being married, to having 3 children, self employed, down to a divorce, lose his kids (custody battle, gets to seem them on occasion), lose his house, go bankrupt and a host of other misdemeanors with the law.

About 3 years ago he moved back to his parents, which was a battle in itself as he had to overcome the pride issue of going home. As a family we struggled with understanding what was going on. He would disappear for periods of time, mostly, his ex-wife accused him of being alcoholic(her father was, according to her).

In recent years, the doctors have diagnosed him as Bi-Polar (don't know which type). He is on medication, but seems to stop using or runs out without telling anyone, and then starts drinking again. Sometimes he steals the drink from neighbor homes where he does work, or if he gets cash he goes and buys the drink. He can't drive, lost his license for 5 years, ending up assaulting police officer, and spent time in the hospital with a broken jaw.

On occasion he has used the time with his teenage son (15 years old) when going to a movie to divert to the LCBO and pick up some drink.

His oldest son (15 years) is now living with my wife and I due to unresolved issues with his mother (who has custody). The other two children continue to reside with the mother and her new husband. We do what we can to encourage the younger kids to communicate with their mother, but frankly her dominance is so strong, their comments usually fall on deaf ears. We are hoping that her new husband will bring the balance needed.

There is much more to the story in terms of incidents, conflict etc. The purpose of my post is to hear from those who have bi-polar (if willing) about the family dynamic when it came time for those in a support role to help the one ill.

My brother-in-law's behavior is escalating (manic), his parents are in their late 60's and I'm not sure how much longer they can take it and/or their ability to stay objective in handling his illness. The mother is the typical old school caregiver personality, and the father is the typical dominate, successful businessman. Both have made changes in recent years, but the hardcore character is still there, which I'm sure complicates the dynamic of my brother-in-laws episode(s).

Currently we believe he hasn't been on his meds for 1-2 weeks, and potentially it will be another week before they are in his system again. In the last two weeks he has started drinking, and sniffing around for money. I know I can't approach him now; the focus has to be on his safety only at this time, but after this episode ends, how do we approach the situation?

I'm sure he feels conflict about what he is going through, and immense guilt about his family breakdown (he, in his natural state, is nothing like the person he becomes when manic), but getting him to talk seems impossible.

When he is out of the manic state, is it appropriate to talk about what is going on? Can we lay ground rules so the family can respond better when he enters a episode? How did people in your life get the point across to you? If you have support from family, do you have a process in place where, when they see the signs, and series of steps occur to help you through the episode?

I know we can't fix it, but his behavior results in damage to relationships with his family, his kids, it further complicates the custody issues and results in him not being to work.

I'm not going to write him off, he, like every human, is worth the effort, I just don't know how best to reach through the clouded thinking he has, and build that trust so we can help him better manage the episodes.

Thanks,

HighPockets