((((((((((((((Silent)))))))))))))

You are being very strong right now, and it sounds as though it is tough on you. It also sounds that you are tough enough to eventually beat this.

Hang on to the not wanting to cut. Think about how proud you, people here and you T (if you have one) will be of you if you don't cut.

If you do end up self-harming, it's ok. You can always try again afterwards when you feel ready.