i had a therapy session on friday that was a real "knock the wind out of your sails" session. it's taking me days to get past it. i've been in shock, denial, pain...the whole nine yards.

i think the reason why this happened is because it's very rarely that i can see the "big picture". i knew went to t that i was "very" present and alert.

we began on a particular subject regarding s*xual inappropriateness in the childhood home. i had so much information available to me to give to him! it was very strange. i couldn't speak quickly enough to get it all out! i had a rare clarity. i had so much information available to me to just grab hold of. it was almost overwhelming. it was only information and memories of this single topic t and i were talking about...and there was alot there. i think t was very aware of this too and really going with it as well. it was very productive.

the problem? t and i put together something there with the information that i had that was truly shocking to me...and very, very sad. i know this is necessary in order for me to heal. i know this. it's just so very difficult to digest. i don't know what to do with the knowledge that i now have. i just don't know.

i think it's a "sharing" that i had friday in therapy. there have been two instances of this in the last week. is this normal? does this mean that it's time for me to see some things and the others now trust me to see/handle it? it's one of the most bizaare experiences i have ever encountered. because now, i can also see just exactly how compartmentalized we are. i still see the bigger picture on this subject. will it always be mine now? do you think this sharing will continue? as uncomfortable as it is, i'm aware that this may be a very big turn around in my therapy and in dealing with DID.

i'm also afraid that if i'm deemed as not handling this well that it will stop.

thoughts and feeback please!