Delvaughn, I want you to know that you are sooo not alone right now. I'm going through and experiencing the same thing as you right now. I understand that feeling as if you're going completely insane and there's nothing you can do to stop it or control it. Very overwhelming indeed!

Sqrl has given you some very sound advice! It's so important that you begin keeping track of your moods, triggers, sleep patterns, behaviors and actions. This information may not do much to help you in the hear and now, but it will be invaluable in the future to help you see the bigger picture of your cycles...how often, for how long, what works, what doesn't work, what makes things better and what makes things worse. It will also help you to better understand yourself...give you some insight into your illness. BP can be a truly wonderful experience sometimes and a truly horrific experience at other times. The key is not to cling to either one. Don't feed the mania with actions that are self-destructive and that result in extreme consequences, and don't feed the depression with substance abuse, sleeping too much or whatever else you might do during these times. Self-discipline is key during these cycles. I know its very difficult to conceive of self-discipline during these times...but you can do it. For myself, I find it best to be alone as much as possible, to stay home as much as possible, and to maintain my daily routine as much as possible. If things get to be beyond what you can bare...go to the hospital, seek immediate professional help. I know how scary that can be, but it's better than some of the alternatives! Like sqrl said, this too shall pass. During those moments I'm hanging on by a thread, that is what I keep telling myself. I know it's small consolation in the moment, but it's consolation nonetheless. These forums can be very helpful too. Keep posting and receive the support, encouragement and understanding that we need so desperately right now.

Sorry for carrying on for so long, I happen to be in a more manic than depressive state at the moment, but that could change at any moment. I'm here for you and so is sqrl, he offers wonderful support, encouragement and insight especially when we are unable to do that for ourselves. I'm hoping this cycle passes for you soon. TgrsPurr.