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I do understand how you are feeling. But I will share what I learned. My alters needed help, help I didn't know how to give. My boyfriend got to know them, bought them gifts etc. and that was important but he didn't know how to help them in other ways. That was up to my therapist. They needed to get to know her and trust her so she could lead them through the memory work and eventually towards integration.
I had nine years of intensive therapy and most of my sessions were for them. They were traumatized and needed the help. Without the work with my t I would still be in chaos. I had a large system. I'm down to 4 alters who live in harmony.
I discovered the longer I resisted trusting the process the longer it took to find healing. At first it was all about me. I thought, I felt, I wanted............. But it did get through that the alters were the ones who needed help more than I did. If they could be helped it would help me eventually and it did. Controling them, ignoring them and wishing they'd go away is normal but in the long run not really all that helpful.
I have had seven years free of the turmoil and chaos. I am so grateful I listened to my t and developed acceptance and gratitude and stopped trying to run and avoid what needed to be done.
It's hard work. I had to go on disability. I was hospitalized several times. I thought it would never end. I had to focus on the alters who were the most damaged and get them help. So, hang in there and think about the bigger picture if you can. Without help our wounded alters will stay stuck. I don't think any of us really want that.
just something to consider,
Judy and Company
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However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole.
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