For instance, he tells you that you are selfish for upsetting him. One way to interpret this is that he wants to control you for his own comfort. You need to express what you are feeling. He can't handle it. He tries to stop you by telling you that you are selfish. Another way that this could be handled is that he could just say, "this stuff upsets me". He could talk about it openly and honestly instead of trying to be a bit manipulative. He is crossing your boundaries by trying to control what you do in this situation. When folks don't cross each other's boundaries they express what they need to and allow the other person to make their own decisions about what they are going to do.